Fooling your feelings into thinking you didn’t care

He’s on my mind lately. To be honest he’s never really gone from my mind.

You know the one, that ex that you wonder if things could have been different with. If only  you’d tried. If only he’d tried. If only you’d have had the guts to let go of your pride and admit to the downfalls you each made.

But it’s not so much the past that’s playing on my mind.

Two days and I’ll see him again. That vengeful part of me is already plotting how amazing I can make myself look in order to make him drool and realise what he’s let go. I’m planning that entrance, with my perfect hair, perfect outfit, perfect make-up.

How damn pathetic I am!

I’m not saying I shouldn’t be planning my look, but surely it should be in hopes of enticing a new good looking boy who’s interested in me. No, I’m getting myself worked up over an Ex that has more than likely moved on without me around.

I think I’m realising that I’ve not quite let go of him yet. Out of sight, out of mind, I know. But as soon as he pops up again my brain is working overtime about him.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t really found anyone since him, and I wanted so bad to make it work that time.

Or maybe it’s because I keep trying to fool my feelings into thinking I didn’t really care at all. Admit it and let go.

Damn! That’s easier said than done!

We’re as far apart as the distance between us

I knew as soon as I walked away from that place for this one, I’d be leaving her behind. Somehow I still thoguht things would be okay. I thought we were good enough friends for her to want to keep in touch.

It hurts to realise she’s not.

I know she tries, but she tells me to text her, I do, and she never replies.

I don’t know whether we’ve just got a whole lot of misunderstandings or whether this distance between us makes her forget about me.

It’s difficult to find some kind of balance in this situation. I miss her, but I love being here and yet she won’t come to visit me even though I’ll go home to see her.

I’m sounding pathetic I realise, but she’s been such a big part of my life, that it feels strange when your best friend isn’t there anymore.

I don’t have anyone to tell everything to. I  miss it.

I miss her, but I don’t think she misses me.

Dream guy?

Dream guy? I’ve been waiting

Now I’m ready for participating

So stop taking your time.

 

Dream guy? With your hair dark as night

or blonde as morning light

You’ll tower slightly over my middle height

and you won’t be able to deny that this isn’t right.

 

Dream guy? With a taste for fashion

You won’t be able to hide your passion

you’ll drown me in compassion

and I’ll fall so deep.

 

Dream guy? With a smile that makes me weak

When will it be my heart you seek

to be with every day of the week

Please, speak.

 

Dream guy? Does my wishing make you real

Do my dreams really hold appeal

Somehow this just feels so surreal

But I just want my heart to feel.